Skip links

BE A BETTER FATHER: Happy 100th Father’s Day

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong”. Famous classical pianist Charles Wadsworth

Pope John XXIII once said “It is easy for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.” The youth today is in need of a real father and not a false pretence. I’m always suspicious when someone says ‘I am taking care of my children’ because good deeds needs no mention. We need real fathers to guide the other half of the youth who is poised to worship wrongness and reject anything that’s rightful. I am optimistic that we will raise great sons and daughters because I do know that there are many great fathers out there. And amongst them are those who runaway. I believe all fathers have the right for a fair trail, even those who seems to have fled from their responsibility. Prior to when we were born, none of us was present to witness what actually made our fathers run away. As a young boy a mother was an angel that could not do anything wrong. Because all wrongs were done by our fathers and no one cared if the stories were true or not because he wasn’t there. That was the proof. Today there are a lot of children who are facing life’s ordeal without a father and I have known a lot of young men who said they were going to do better with their own children but failed miserably. Fatherhood is a difficult task. A lot of fathers desert their duty because being a father is not giving. You will have to earn it and it is very difficult.

I was raised without a clear father figure. Just like many young Africans my father skipped university and moved to Europe in the eighties. He wanted a better life as much as I want a better life for my family. His intention was never selfishness, which I now know for sure. I say now because as a child you do not think in this fashion, you feel betrayed. But no matter what the consequences are I can not live in a world were when a person becomes a father he would have to give up his dreams. I can not have it on my conscious that my coming into this world has taking away the dreams of a man or woman for that matter. My father had a dream and he was very determent at it. He is one of the most intelligent and disciplined man I have ever known in my life. Any person who has had the chance to meet him longer than 2 seconds will admit. Now I do not know if I will ever get the chance to be part of that dream which my father has realised, but I am glad he did it. I credit him for his achievements. He was once a poor man and now he has his destiny in his own hands.

For many things I wouldn’t have done it differently than my father, except I would have tried harder to be there for my family. Somewhere in my heart I do not believe my father did everything in his ability to be as good as a father as he could be. Even with his dream and all. And we can not go back to do over. He can not buy me ice cream or take me to the theme park. Neither can he read books to me. My father can not undo the past but I can. I think if there’s anyone to undo my fathers wrongs it will be me. In a general sense the expectation of a son is to become better than his father. So on this day, in this century I have taken the task upon myself to be to my ability the best father I can be. As my father’s eldest son I have the task to right his wrongs. I can not hate him for whatever wrong he may or may not have done to me. Whether it was negligence or taken me for granted. He is my father and I love him till death. I do not blame my father or anyone else for my setbacks. I take it as part of life and neither do I have self pity. I’m not going to pull myself up or find my way forward by being pessimistic. Ever since a child I have always been an independent spirit.

If you asked me have you ever been mad at your father, the answer is simply yes. I can not lie nor deny the fact that there were times I asked the Santa for another dad. Just as any other child I had unreasonable demands for my father. You see I had written a long list of demands which I was going to hand to my father when I would see him. But as I grow older my list got thinner and thinner. For example I whished my father had a bank account for me which I could have access to at the age of 18. I regretted my parents had to separate and I had to live in a poor neighbourhood. But as I have become a father myself, in a strange way I can see why things could have went the way they went. A lot of fatherless individuals blame their father for their failures and I don’t know if it is true. I do know that a mother is likely to reach a new low in life when she gets stood up with 2 to 3 kids and an average income. But a father is not a God. No matter how dreadful it may seem, we can not blame our fathers for our own error. One has to be responsible for his own actions. I believe a two-parent household will contribute in a positive way to a child’s growth. But fatherless children are not hopeless. Even if we did not experience the luxury of having both parents around we can always become a better father.

Leave a comment